Making a comeback!

Wow! I can't believe how long its been since my last post! And alooooot has happened...I wanna say somethings have been bad but honestly that would be me not appreciating how far I have come DESPITE all thats happened..and God has truly done alot for me, slow but surely! The only reason I haven't posted anything is just laziness and procrastination LOL but my cousin has made me make a pact to do 2 posts a week...yeah....not so sure but will honestly try my best to just chronicle how my life has changed over the past few years, the good, the bad and the downright painfully Ugly!! LOL Lets see how long am able to challenge myself with this ;)

Too many thoughts racing through my head

Its funny how a gazillion thoughts can race through ones head when left idea. Thoughts of good, bad and well….just plain sad. A lot has happened to me in the past year and laziness and procrastination has made it impossible to put them down. But recently going through this internal feeling on “loneliness” like no one cares or can fully understand how am feeling.

It’s been 10months since I lost my job. Can’t believe been unemployed that long. Granted I truly hated that job but with this current economic climate I guess something in hand is better than nothing at all. Been spending more time “trying” to pray and ask God for direction, I say trying because am not praying as much as I know I should and can. Its almost like I feel defeated already so am basically counteracting any prayer am making…it’s sad I know but it’s what am struggling with now. Trying to live more in accordance with what God wants, it’s a struggle but I feel HE knows am genuinely trying.

Its been almost 5months since I left home(Nigeria) and for a brief stint I felt a glimmer of hope but lately all I see are dark clouds. Everyone around me is feeling so positive(or at least pretending for me) and am being to feel people are gonna look at me like a “wet blanket”( my girl CKG gave me that nickname years ago saying I tend to be a party pooper/pessimist sometimes)…thing is I don’t want people to look at me that way and I know am a fun,loving,caring,sometimes sensitive and tempered person lol but right now am looking at my life and am just like this isn’t how its suppose to be. I know everyone’s journey is different and the pace we all take is different but am just like GOD GIVE ME A BREAK, THROW ME A BONE OR SOMETHING.

Am at a point where my motivation to job search is zero! I have roughly 5years working experience but it’s like I can’t even market it to get me a job. Worst part is am not sure if I actually know what it is I wanna do…my last job which I hated(even though some peoples eyes was a dream job) I don’t have enough experience in that to say am “an experienced” candidate. And now I have found what I think is a career I want to pursue but can’t seem to break into it, guess because I don’t have actual experience. On top of that I can’t seem to get even an interview let alone a job and I hate this job search process, its truly killing for real’s…

Then I have taken up a recent bad habit of tormenting myself by looking at other peoples lives on facebook and comparing them to me ( yes am aware that no one posts the bad stuff so their lives may not be a rosy as I think). But the idle mind is truly the devils workshop cause am constantly looking at peoples wedding pictures and vacation pictures and wondering why has my life not fallen into place like that? I know God has a plan for my life in regards to getting married but I can’t help but be like “when O God”? the recent trend in Naija for people getting married and living the “Naija dream” which is going to school abroad, relocate back to Naija(Lagos most likely), get a great job with multinational company, met an equally stunning young man, get married in gorgeous wedding, live in lovely home and have kids, with fab car and maybe driver lol. Now I realize this might be nonsense but I know people who this “formula” has worked for...so it brings me to ask myself how did I fail. I relocated back home with 2degrees from Yankee, got a job with multinationals so why did I not met the hot young, upwardly mobile professional men? I meet people that am like are really talking to me? Met some hot guys who ended up being the “friend” to, and some that where just a little too out there for me. Was talking to a girlfriend of mine when I came to Canada and she wasn’t trying to be mean but was like “wasnt I looking”? Almost like I went to naija and didn’t follow the formula.( am also fully aware that some of these so called glam weddings are now heading to divorce court, so am learning to be patient and wait for God’s time)

A lot of people I feel have definitely made me feel like I failed with my 2 year journey in Naija because if I succeeded why am I back here in North American tryna thug it out. So many people said they wished they were in my position when I moved back so to now end up back here is like, damn homie… I didn’t tell lots of people I left naija cos I felt shame that I had failed to accomplish the “naija dream” and haven’t told too many people that am back in the north America arena either for shame that when they ask “so what are u up to” I don’t have anything to tell them. SIGHS…….

Despite all of this, I know that things happen for a reason and am slowly trying to see the good in my current situation. I know a lot of people who are based here and doing great and are happy here. Would be nice to be employed and some change in my pocket, but am “trying” (boy it’s such a huge struggle though) to know that God does have a plan for me. Even though I maybe be starting over, it’s not a bad thing. Am slowly adjusting to this weather (am fighting a severe cold/flu as I type lol), making friends (found black people by googling black professionals in my town lol). So this job/money thing should hopefully work out soon enough…ok am tired of typing more thoughts later…

Wow! cant believe how long it's been since i made a post. So much has happened, good,bad and the ugly lol.
At this point i have decided to use this as an avenue to vent and get some stuff off my chest. Laziness and procrastination as such bad things cos when ever something happens, they both dont allow me to put it down...
Anyways i dont even know if anyone remembers this blog but i guess i will have this as my "personal dairy" to come and reflect on....

History was made today!!

Today( well November 4th actually) Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States of America! He is the 1st Black person to be elected to office and this couldn't be a more profound,monumental and historic event...in his words YES WE CAN!!!!! so i don't wanna hear anyone especially black people talking about am being oppressed, if he can do what seems the impossible, so can we..determination,perseverance and faith is all we need. Congrats to the Obama family. I wish Martin Luthor, Malcom X, Rosa Parks, Ghandi and all others who fought for freedom and equality could witness this event.

I can only imagine what all those people who witness segregation, jim crow and all types of inhumane and rasicts acts are feeling. to be able to witness what seemed like only a dream.........am just tryna take it all in and accept whats happened:)

am worried though cos the US economy is in such a mess, Obama will have so much pressure and expectations..nay sayers are just waiting for him to slip, but i believe God who put him in this position will guide him through...

Sam Cooke said, a change is gonna come and Indeed it has........................

Finally!!

ok so i've finally gotten around to using this blogger thing lol. i wont lie its pure laziness (coupled with the fact that nothing interesting has been happening) that has caused me to not use this. This is suppose to be my medium to update my friends back in the US and elsewhere about my move and adjustment to life back in Naija (Nigeria).so now i've offically moved to Lagos so i can say my "adventures" are about to begin.
But my gosh its been a HUGE adjustment, the 1st 2weeks i was depressed! i miss everything about america, the food, the people,my friends, ELECTRICITY!! but most of all my shows lol i'm still tryna figure out how i'll watch the season premiere of ugly betty and grey's anatomy on the ABC's website lol. But with time am slowly adjusting, i keep telling myself that loads of other people have done it so i need to "man-up" and thug it out like the rest of 'em lol. But this i my 1st time living in Lagos and lemme tell coming from my dry but beloved Warri, this is a Freaking jungle and not for the faint of heart.
on Monday,my first day venturing put alone in a taxi in the crazy island traffic, some guy tried to mugg me of 2000 naira! he came to the window and was like "gimme 2000 naira" and i'm like for wat? and he like dont u know who i am?? at this point i'm pertified (sp??) and looking in my bag for money, but the cab driver scares him off and he goes away. then the drivers yelling at me for wanting to give him the money, and i'm like i love my life way to much for a lousy 2000naira. but all my friends and family have been clowning me cos the guy didnt have a gun and i was shaking lol my aunt whose a police woman said i shoulda scoped him to see if he had any weapons and used my pen and basically stab him!!! i was like wat??? thats a tad too gansta for me.
anyway my cousin went with me on tuesday and wednesday to do some running around so i'm getting the hang of this lagos madness; and i cant believe that people are everyday struggling to join this chaos maybe i'll get use to it and love it also i dunno. today i'm resting cos its too darn hot to be sitting in traffic.
But my biggest frustration has been waiting for this stupid NYSC camp to start so i can resume work. I'm mad i rushed back and only to get here to wait, so now the new date is October 15th and am praying to God that it doesnt change. its so annoying that i have a job but cant work as an official staff until i have completed this one year service. so this is my warning to all of u tryna work in Naija please do ur NYSC and get it out the way. if u have money to "arrange it" please do so,so once u move back u know ur earning ur proper salary and not a corpers salary which is peanuts. anyway i've learned to no be mad and just know this is just my stepping stone to greater thiings.
but the best part bout been home is seeing my brothers, their so grown! i'm the oldest but shortest in the house lol. the baby Buks (he's 18 so not really a baby) is the tallest in the house at 6'5 or sth. he is leaving tomorrow to Canada to start college( my mama is gonna cry lol). the 22yr old is in Abuja today for a job interview( i'm praying for u twiggy) and the one right after me, Junior is at home.
its been funny hanging out with them cos they crack me up, btw the 3 of them and the househelp called Godstime( yes thats her name,i laff everytime i call her)..i've been in stitches. thats how i was able to get over the boredom that was gonna kill me in Warri. I have no friends left there, they are all in Lagos and Port Harcourt and most of em are married. yeah my aunts and uncles have all been bugging me about when am i gonna get married? am like when God sends me a husband! lol i swear they think theres a "husband tree" out there and am refusing to pluck from it...geezz
well thats all in a nutshell of wats new with me so far i'll be back later

ok my 1st blog

so i'm not that great at this so hopefully i'll remember to post a blog every once in a while :)...off to bed